Tuesday, August 11, 2009

When DEATH embraced me!!!

As i sit here in a corner, i dont know why?, but there are people around me, yet m so ALONE!! I am not a loner, I never was !! i dont wanna be like this but i really dont have an option. Its as if i was thrown into the deep seas and left hapless. I really couldnt do much, Someone somewhere kept pulling me inside, i kept gaspin for air, tried everything i knew or possibly wat ever i could do. the best part is i didnt even know how to swim, but now when i do, it really doesnt matter. I have accepted that no one will save me, now. I have been stuck for too long now. I still wonder why somethings happen? I still feel like m in a maze. All i see around me are doors, some same, some different. I ran around from door to door, I just had to save my world, the world which means everything to me, the world i dreamt off, the world which still is my driving force, the world which 'WE' wanted to have. m a lil tired now. I kept banging my head till bled. initially, it hurt alot but now, i dont feel anything now, for i am numb now, Its swollen, my face hurts. but I just cant give up, with every hit the determination keeps getting stronger. I dreamt of something 'WE' wanted, and i will keep fighting till i live no more, till death embraces me.
But, I am human, I do have my doubts, I wonder if its all an illusion or rather a mirage which drives you towards good things, only to disappoint you as you move closer to it. In the end you're the one left dejected. sometimes it feel like that the world i talk bout jus never existed.
I have been falling for quite sometime now, it seems like I was pushed into a well some months back and have been in air since then, I know my end is coming near, m jus waiting for it now, I jus wanna see if m tougher than the ground beneath. cant wait for the moment when i'll hit the floor, my skull would crack, my body would maul beyond recognition, blood would be spurting all around,drenched in my own blood, jolts which would shake me up completely but only from outside. and I'd lie on the ground gasping for air till i can breathe no more, till i live no more, till death embraces me!!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

the AFTERMATH!!!!

Its probably really weird of wat i really feel? it feels as if m still livin in the eye of the storm... theres this shriekin silence around me which is slowly rippin me apart!!! is this the silence before the storm or is it the one after it!!! is it natural to feel this? i certainly dont know..i dont know why things happen.. i tell people to enjoy the present but am i really livin life or m i jus breathing?? i kno its pretty ironic!!! i dont even know wat i feel??m i numb to all the pleasures a human being is entitled to or is it jus that empty feelin.. somethings maybe are beyond spiritual level. I am surrounded by so many people yet sometimes m so alone..its as if i was left stranded in the open seas..with no where to go nd nothing to do..i screamed, screamed loudly.. sent SOS but all in vain!!no one came to my rescue!! its exactly as if i was pushed in a quicksand, initially i thought it was a joke nd didnt believe it was a quick sand, even when i started sinkin in, i kept fighting my death.. i kept tryin to come out in desperation but then slowly i gave in. the harder i tried, the deeper it got..slowly i got swallowed in..i cant move my feet, my hands, my jaw..now they feel as if they were never there.. m blinded, more with uncertainity nd distrust than anything else.. m strangled now!! my heart pumps faster than ever..the adrenaline rushin for i know, its the last time as I am finally about to DIE!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

My Sojourn in hell, PART 1

It was just another morning for me in july'04, uncertain about what the future has in store for me, I got up at 11, Opened the AIEEE website, entered my roll no., and there i was looking at my admissions page, that i had been allotted VELLORE INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY, VELLORE, TAMIL NADU. Obviously back then, I had no damn clue that this place would make me the man I am today, it'll teach me the much needed lessons about life, and most importantly, make me meet some beautiful people who might seem larger than life, atleast to me, and who i proudly call 'MY FRIENDS'. As far as I am concerned, I am blessed. We were a group of special people with special abilites, we were a bunch of happy-go lucky SUPERHEROES, each of whom could spin a web around you, and by the time know it, it'll be too late!!!well, i am not here to boast about my friends, to tell you that i have the kinda people around which could make anyone jealous, to tell you that I dont think twice before ramming into a problem, coz i know somewhere they're there to pull me thru. I am not gonna tell you any of this. or may be i did tell you?? ah!!! typical me!! always so confused. I actually didnt realise I told you all of this.


Vellore
is an amazing place to be in, its one of the most developed cities in Tamil Nadu, and the day is not far that it'll be one of the most urbanised cities in India. Its just phenomenal, clean roads, people who're absolute fluent with their hindi, and always ready to help. There were people who would distribute phones to the needy students who didnt have phone. and the locals there make the city very safe, especially at night. The food in vellore would give you that out of world-ly feeling. and trust me, people in vellore are so mad about hindi movies, there are multiplexes every 2 kilometres with centralised a/c and reclining seats.


Just in case you're so dumb, and didnt realise, last paragraph was absolute bullshit!!!!
Well, Vellore is not city, Its a VILLAGE. People dont speak hindi and one has to manage with broken english there. There was a group of locals, who, at night would hide around in bushes, and beat up people for their phone, its one the most unsafe cities i have ever come across. the food is atrocious, and there was only one theatre in vellore which played hindi movies and that too with wodden seats, and a/c here is not an air-conditioner, it is an air-cooled system. so by the time the movie ended, one would not only be dripping with sweat, but also a strange kinda pain in da back side!!!


The college as well had some strict rules as per the CULTURE of the region!!! wearing the id cards was compulsory. One could talk to the opposite sex, but had to keep away from any physical contact. Barring a few, the teaching staff would try their best to create all the problems they can for a student. And trust me, they were experts at this, not too sure about the subject matter though. I had one teacher each semester, who would try his best to make things impossible for me. but there was only one winner every time, ME.
I lived in this place for 4 years, and trust me, i treasure every moment.
First year, I met a few special people and kept meeting em for the rest of my college life, and as life has it, I still meet em, and can kill to be with em. We would wear best of clothes, dress up, spend at least half an hour everyday admiring ourselves carrying a sparkle in our eyes, with a hope that someday someone would notice the style and attitude we carry!!! and everybody did, but for the wrong reasons!!!
For the first 3 months, i lived in a dorm. a dorm, which had about 50-60 beds, what a feeling it was waking up to a room with 60 ppl. there was always a strange kinda buzz there, which i enjoyed. what i didnt enjoy, was the fact that every morning I would wake up with people surrounding the bed next to mine, that person slept in a LUNGI, and in the morning the LUNGI would not be covering the part it should be covering!!!! nd somehow, a few people enjoyed looking at it!! I mean you're here coz thats there!!! how weird can people get!! the dorm i thght was the place to be, obviously not because i enjoyed lookin at ppl's !!!!!
I still remember 4-5 of us sitting in a room, listening to songs of the movie LOC wid tears in our eyes. we all missed HOME. nd we missed it badly.
by the end of the first sem, we knew who would stick around in the toughest times coz we had seen em. suddenly, from boys, most of us became men. We were together, for the fact that not only we had laughed together, but also cried together. things happened and we were famous in the college. not for the right reasons of course. the best part of course was that the girls we would dressed up for had already started giving us strange looks. thinking to themselves ' GOONDA BOYS!!! DIRTY ELEMENTS of the SOCIETY'.
On the whole I felt that this was one of the most formitive times for us.
as i come to the end of the first part of 'My Sojourn in Hell', I have a strange kinda feeling, I am lil numb, and am smiling thinking bout the good ol' days. and i already feel a something trickling down my eyes. I wish I could relive the good ol days. I so wish so.!!!



Thanking you
Your SUPERHERO!!!
PS: watch this space for more!!! picture abhi baaki hai mere dost, i know that was sad, cant help it.m known for these things.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

A train journey down the memory lane!!

I dont know why i am writing this, probably m too vella or jus too bored and have nothing much to do at this point of the day or night. It was sometime in the month of January, last year, I was travelling to Chennai from my very dear VELLORE in a general compartment of a train. the fact that i was alone made me look at the surroundings, observe people and trust me whatever i saw was not pleasing, nothing unusual or nothing weird or funny. It just happened everyday and we have never noticed it.
Travelling in a general compartment would probably make anyone think out of the box, if one has the time or intentions to do so. One would really not bother about the sensex touching the 20k mark or for that matter comin down to 9k or who won the formula one championship or who won the US elections, what Obama thinks about India. These people there, would really not give a fuk, pardon my language, but they really wont. Or jus the fact that they're busy thinking about something else, something like how they would be getting their next meal, whether they might end up sleeping hungry in order to feed their kids, a meal which would really not consist of a burger from mcdonald's or a pizza from domino's, It be plain roti and dal or jus some rice and sambhar, and if they're lucky they might jus get another dish. Children crying of hunger, their parents trying to find something to eat for them from a chips packet i had just thrown. or drinkin those last few drops of the pepsi bottle i had jus finished. I thought to myself, damn!! m lucky!!

But i didnt start this because i wanted to bring forward the poor part of India. of course we all want to look at the positives, dont we. We'd like to look the no. of malls coming up, no. of outlets pizza hut has in an area in order to assess the development of the region, and the country on the whole. or we look at 'Rupee' vs 'dollar' graph and say India is SHINING, but we're lookin at the positives, arent we.? and these are the positives. but the fact remains that about 70% of the population earns less than a Rs. 50 a day or a dollar per day. and the growth in the agriculture sector has come down from 4% to 2%, a sector where about 52% of the population is still involved.
I am not telling you to act on it, leave all your work, and start working for the upliftment of the society.No!!! i am not doing that nor do i expect you to do such a thing. Obviously we have our families, our own problems to solve. But all i am asking you to do is just keep all this in mind. Think about this. and your actions themsleves would make India a better country to live in.

I was always proud to an Indian. and now even more!!!
On this note i sign off. Jai Ho!!!

thanking you
Your SuperHero!!
PS: This is not a work of fiction and absolutely no imagination has gone into it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Yo readers!!! before i start off with any thing. I'd like to tell you something bout ur SUPERHERO!! yeah!! thats me!!! jus like everyone else.. even i've always wanted to be a hero.. nd when i couldnt be one, i stared thinkin that I jus dont have it in me to be a HERO, so i decided to move on with my life nd become a superhero!!and now thats optimism. dont you also be one. everyone does... nd i am repeating this thing alot. I really dont know what i am gonna write. well, m a very confused guy. I start with something, nd then in the process, over analyse things nd reach somewhere where i shud'nt have reached. I hope you're getting my point. the way my frnds put it. I think in a 4-D way. but the way i look at it, I am different!! I think differently, I talk differently, I feel differently, I type differently, i read differently, I sleep differently, I listen differently, I look different. In short, I am different. by now you guys would have made out that i am different.!!! nd i realised that i shoud have copied the word 'differently' nd pasted after each activity i do.
I like philosophy, there is a philosophical solution to every problem. and the best part is you dont need facts for this solution, I mean you can take random things nd jus col-relate em wid life. like i did. ' Lifes like a wave, it goes up only to come down, nd comes down only to go up ', I must hav given this thing to so many ppl. nd they did feel better but when it comes to me, i jus cant take my solutions. nd the worst part is I know these phrases, so they dont help me. well, again we're deviating from the topic. I, your superhero, was the topic nd not philosophy. so lets get back to the topic now.
I love movies, so i jus repeat the dialogues, to make myself feel better.
All my life i've lived by a code. the code is simple. honour the gods.love your woman.nd defend your country.'!!!... troy!! I must have watched the movie about 100 odd times. there was a time i remembered each nd every dialogue of the movie. LITERALLY!!!
You can be my wingman!! bull shit, you can be mine... need i say the name of the movie, TOPGUN
'Don ke dushman ki ek hi galti hai, ki woh don ka dushman hai'!!!
nd off late
' Bhosdi ke, TALK'... slumdog!!! I thght the movie was gr8, ppl kept lookin at the -ves of the movie. If one feels India is being showed as a poverty stricken country, then thass coz it is. one cant really deny that. we may be growing at 5.6%, which is very low but i suppose jus like any other organisation, follows the pareto principle or the 80-20 rule, or the law of vital few. I agree Our GDP is very high nd all but bout 70% of our nation still struggles to make Rs. 20 a day. nd the rest 30% is responsible for the growth we have. see, again we've diverted from the topic.
I am very unpredictable... by now i guess you should have made that out.!!!!
Dont FALL in love... try rising.. trust me!! this is possible!! now dont ask me how i know, i jus know it for the reasons which cannot be disclosed here. ;)!!!

I dont always do wat is right, i do wat i like.... you know this is there coz theres nothing which is right or wrong, its jus the way one looks at things. Our life is not BLACK or WHITE, its GREY.
nd for that reason, I'd support my friends even if they are wrong according to some person, or the society, but again i would look in a manner in which i think they're right.
I behave with you the same way as u behave with me..
If i lie to you, its ok... there has to be a reason!!!.but ppl lyin to me..jus cant take it. you may call me a hypocrite but thats the way I am.
I am pretty much sure, that I'd become a celebrity one day(my SUPERHERO SENSE told me so), so if you get the privilege of inviting me to ur home. Jus remember I have problem using Indian style toilets...so make sure u have a western style loo!!!
there is general perception about me, that I am a gr8 guy, which really is true. In short, I love people, nd they love me back!!
I was one of the most popular guys of my year, not boasting. everyone knew me. those who know me would agree!!! its important to have good public relations!!! i realised this, hence popularity!!!
Am a true gemini... confused, double minded etc. Read linda goodman's sun signs for more details.. this is not your HORROR-SCOPE class.!!!
In college, if you'd see a person.. alwayz smilin nd happy.. wid ever fallin lowers..messed up hair.. havin coffee most of the times nd alwayz surrounded by ppl... then that had to be me!!!!
I was tortured in college coz of my pants, i would not put a belt, so ppl would come up to me and tell me things like 'I am gonna gift you a belt on ur birthday', If one would be so concerned bout not seein my undies, he would not wait till my birthday!!! nd trust me no one has given me a belt till now. Once when i actually got frustrated of these comments, I wore a BELT. nd then ppl would come up to me nd tell me ' Arre, Kya baat?? belt pehen li!!!', I mean what do you want from me. In short, ppl r unbelievably MAD!!
Lifes very long...nd nothing goes unaccounted!!! it'll all comes back to you.
I have a passion for Basketball nd age of empires..I am jus in love wid em.
if by any chance you get the honour of meeting me... be careful...I am observing you every second..i'd be noting every movement, very reaction of yours!!!
I like braggin bout my self!!! nd you guys would have noticed this by now.
u're either on my side or against me...neutral cheap bastards do not exist.
I hate diplomats. I am a diplomat...but i love myself, i really cant hate my self.. can i?!!!
you dont have an option of not likin me, I am your SUPERHERO after all.
if you're not wid me then you're missing something
I love my family nd can kill for em. LITERALLY!!!
i love my bro more than u would ever love anyone in ur life!!!
I am a mechanical engineer.. though i learnt nothing in my 4 yrs of engineering
it famously said about mechanical engineers...
casting dreamz, welding ideaz, forging effortz, shaping the world... we are gearz of progress beacuse we are THE MEN, THE MACHINES, THE MECHANICALS!!!!
i suppose you would like watevr i've written... do write in your comments...

thanking you
YOUR SUPERHERO!!!
PS: I know this is very long, nd it tested ur limits to get bored. but if you wanna read more or get bored even more.. jus lemme know..!!!